Carve Out My Tears
by xTwilight.Arrowx
Summary: R&R/BxE- Living in a hospital isn't as easy as you may think, especially when your damned to falling in love with that random guy in the lobby that came to see his sister-who broke her arm. This is just FANTASTIC. -Please give story a chance-
1. Epilogue:A Beautiful Wreck

**A/N: Hello. :) So, most of you know me from my 'Running From The Truth' story. I just want to thank all of you that have read that story, since it was my first. :) Anywho...**

**So, this is my new story. It's a dedication to one of my very good friends. I'm not going to say names, because i would NEVER do that online. :) But it's dedicated to her. She just recently stopped self injury, and I am so unbeliavably thankful for that. This story is 100% dedicated to her. I don't know if she'll even read it, but that doesn't matter to me. All that matter's to me is that she's not hurting herself anymore. She's had a hard life, harder than most people, including me. I hope she keeps her promise, and I hope her life gets better. I know things get hard, and it seems like the only way. But you've got me. ;D Anyways, this story is dedicated to her, she knows who she is. So. Enjoy. :)**

**XxXxX**

**Description: "I've Lived Here My Entire Life It Seems, It's Home," she smiled casually, her eyes avoiding mine. I stared at her beautiful face. "How can you be so happy to say something like that?" Her eyes warily met mine, and then dropped again. "It's The Only Sure Thing I have Left In Life," She whispered. Her smile was worn down, she wasn't really happy, as much as she tried to lie.**

**---**

**Bella Swan, burned and cut herself for most of her life. Started at a young age, and was sent into the hospital at the age of thirteen for massive blood lose. When news broke that her own self injury was the cause, and the doctors found out some disturbing, and quiet alarming news, she was permantly stuck in a hospital. Her body, not able to make enough blood on its own. She wasn't crazy, her life just wasn't fair. She was just a normal teeager. Cancer, not enough blood production, and a few other problems.**

**Living in a hospital isn't as easy as you may think.**

**Especailly when your damned to fall for that random guy who came in for his sister.**

**XxXxX**

**Soundtrack:**

**The last night by: Skillet**

**XxXxX**

They weren't evenly spaced like most would guess; they overlapped each other, all across her skin. My eyes stared in disbelief. They were deep, noticeably, and not easy to hide. Some were pale, white. Others were red or pink and bright. There were hundreds of them, everywhere. It was disturbing to see them, knowing they were self inflicted. I could picture the razor slowly being dragged across her skin, red oozing from the wound at a slow pace. I shook my head, drawing in a jagged breathe. I felt my hands tingling a little, and I was shaking. My eyes reached for hers, when I finally found them. They were truly dead. They gleamed with the light, but the brown was dull instead of bright like I could imagine them. Her heart had been crushed before, too many times. She'd seen to many bad things in her life, gone through too much. Her brown hair twirled down a little ways past her shoulders.

Red and blonde were mixed into her hair, typical teenager colors. Her lips were perfectly shaped; I wanted to lightly brush my finger across them. Her face seemed to be perfectly shaped. She was shorter than me, but not too short. Her skin was pale, and she looked like a normal girl-except for the scars. Oh and, she was undoubtly and unbelievably beautiful.


	2. Scars, Secrets, And A Phone Number

**A/N: kinda short chapter, sorry. its all i was able to come up with in a night and a half. :) lots of homework, bia! oh and, this chapter didn't really have a soundtrack. Sorry. :( i was just listening to 'This Beautiful Republic' so, there you go. :)**

**Well, review please, i really need to know if anyone is actually reading this story. Cause yea.**

**~sara3**

**xXxXxXx**

The small specs of blue and green on the tile floor seemed so interesting, but I was completely and utterly bored out of my mind. I sighed again, leaning over with my arms against my legs. I glanced at the clock. How badly was Alice actually hurt? It was just a little fall, I suppose. I glanced around the room for the fiftieth time. Four dull tan chairs were spread out through the room, a table in the middle of the room with three smaller chairs around it, and two machines in the corner of the room- one for snacks and the other Pepsi products. The chair I sat on was faded and ripped. There was a television in the upper left corner of the room, volume turned down and playing 'That's 70's Show'. I watched as the color of the TV flickered.

I stood up and stretched a little, at least this was a perfect excuse not to go to school tomorrow. I smiled at that; I wasn't a big school person. My phone went off vibrating as I sat down again; I pulled it out of my pocket.

"Any news yet?" Emmett texted me. I ran my hand through my hair absently mindedly as I texted back, "Nope," and stuck my phone back in my pocket. Just as I did this a woman, or girl, around my age came skipping into the room. She had a pair of jeans on, holes at the knees, no pockets on the back, and was a little too long. Her shoes were Airwalk shoes, looked just like converse- the original black and white. Her shirt was plain white, mid sleeved, with the number eighty six on the front. It was very attractive. Her pretty brunette hair curled to the middle of her back, with red and blonde highlights mixed in. I couldn't help but stare.

She skipped over to the Pepsi machine, sticking in fifty cents while humming. Why I was suddenly so interested in her, I had no idea. The second thing I noticed, besides her nice, uh, 'behind', was the hospital bracelet that all patients had on their wrists. I raised an eye brow as she leaned over a little, dragging her finger along the buttons and trying to decide which drink she preferred. I smiled; it was kind of adorable how innocent she was. Was she a patient here? Wouldn't she have to be in one of those weird gown things? And why would she be prancing around so freely? I was confused, as usual. I watched intently, a little too mesmerized. Jasper walked into the room at that moment, sighing. I glanced away from her unwillingly, and met Jasper's relief filled eyes.

"She just broke her arm, she's fine, a little drunk off pain pills, but yea," he laughed a little. I stood up, grabbing my things. The girl at the machine clicked the Pepsi button finally, glancing over her shoulder unnoticed as she grabbed her soda. I smiled at her, a warm smile. She blinked a few times, and her cheeks flushed red, returning a sheepish smile. Jasper didn't notice the quick flirting as I turned back to him.

"Drunk of pain pills? Let's hope it doesn't become a habit," I joked. Jasper rolled his eyes, grabbing the rest of Alice's stuff that I had been holding. The girl, if I had forgot to mention, had the most amazing eyes I had ever seen. They were a chocolate brown, with a touch of hazel and somehow, red. I bit my lip lightly, wanting to talk to her. I tried to think of a reason for me to stay in the room, since she sat on the couch and started sipping her Pepsi while watching the television. "I'll just wait here then, I guess," I said. Jasper raised an eye brow. I coughed a little, nodding my head to the side. He continued to give me that 'I am completely lost' look, so I just sighed and shook my head.

"You go get her, I'll wait here," I said finally. He rolled his eyes, still not getting it, and walked off muttering a low 'okay'. I sat back down at the chair I had been at, and pulled out fifty cents from my pockets. I walked over to the soda machine, and was surprised to see they had all my favorites. I quickly picked Pepsi also, and shot an unnoticed glance in the girl's direction, she was sitting cross legged on the couch, laughing lightly at the TV. I smiled; her laugh was even heart warming.

I went and sat down, glancing at the TV. I noticed that once I wasn't looking at her, she looked at me, but only for a few short seconds. I smiled to myself, biting down on the rim of my Pepsi can.

"This is my favorite show," she said casually. Her eyes not leaving the television. I looked at her. Was that her voice? Did she just speak? Cause I swear, I thought I was hearing angels. I smiled, looking at the TV. "Yea, I love this show too," I agreed. She blushed again, smiling. At least I hadn't had to say anything. Now at least we were talking, no?

"So, what's your name?" I said when she didn't say anything else. More blush came now, and she looked at me for only a moment. "Isabella, but I like to be called Bella," she confessed to me. I smiled, "Beautiful name," I said truthfully. She shrugged, "I always wanted a name that started with an 'M', but thank you," she said, confidently looking at me for once. I met her eyes, again stunned by their beauty. My breath actually stopped as I watched her eyes uneasily linger to the floor and back to the television.

"And your name is?" she asked finally- not looking at me but sipping on her Pepsi can again. "Edward, Edward Cullen," I coughed a few times, remembering to breathe. She smiled and nodded. We were silent for a few moments, and I hoped that the time wasn't flying by as fast as I thought it was. It had only been a few minutes, maybe ten or so.

"So, are you a patient here or," I trailed off, clearing my throat for some confidence. She glanced at her arms, which I didn't really notice.

Her eyes seemed to scan across her arms and legs, as if remembering something. Finally, her angel like voice broke through the empty silence.

"Uh, y-yea, I am," was all I got. I let my eyes linger on her, and then realized I was getting a little intense with the staring, I glanced back at the TV. "Don't patients usually wear those, weird gown things?" I tried to laugh it off, since I had accidently entered her discomfort zone. I hoped I hadn't ruined a friendship before it even started.

"Well, they made me wear it for the first year I was here, but after they realized I'd be here a while, they let me bring my own clothes in," she smiled, lightly dragging her finger across the innocent white shirt she had on. My eyes followed her hands carefully.

I had been told many times, when I was younger, that I was too observant for a guy. I still was, so as I watched her hands, her fingers, lightly fiddling with the end of her shirt; I noticed a few scars on her wrist. It was hard to see, from all the way across the room, but it stunned me. My jaw opened slightly, and just as she was about to look at me Jasper walked into the room. I was also stunned by what she had just said. "Here for a while," and, "the first year," how long had she been here?

Jasper only glanced at her before nodding at me to come. I nodded, sighing as I stood up. Bella didn't say anything as I gathered my things for the second time. At least I got to know her name. I spun around to go to the door, when I jumped a little.

She stood in front of me, a small piece of paper in her hand, which was extended out to me. Her eyes were so much more beautiful up close, or closer, she was still a good distance from me. I wasn't able to look away from her amazing face to see her arms, but I was smart enough to take the piece of paper and not drool at that moment. She smiled warmly, but there was something off in her smile, in her eyes. I smiled a crooked smile, but she was looking down now.

"I'll talk to you later, maybe," she sounded wary of her choice. I smiled, a little too happy to get her number. "I can take you down to the cafeteria," I joked, not sure if she was allowed to leave the hospital. She nodded, taking her hands behind her back. She blushed, smiling, and couldn't help but laugh at my pathetic joke. I glanced up to see Emmett at the waiting room door, leaning against the door frame with a huge smirk on his face.

"Edward, I hate to bust you two up, but we do have to be home soon. It's almost past your bed time mister," he smiled at Bella as she turned and smiled at him, laughing a little. I glared daggers at him.

"Okay Emmy, I'll be there in a minutes. Can you get yourself in your car seat this time? Or do I need to get Alice to help you?" I challenged. His laugh boomed, and Bella started laughing harder. She was enjoying our 'fighting', I could tell. I smiled at her, as her gleaming eyes reflected back to me. Emmett rolled his eyes and headed for the elevator.

"I'll see you later Bella, nice meeting you," I said, smiling. She nodded, seeming a bit more happy at the moment.

I waved as I left the waiting room; she just stood there, fixing her shirt as I left. She didn't look at me again. I was still shocked, and overly curious, about her life. I wanted to know more about Bella, a lot more. What was hidden behind her beautiful eyes? Why did her smile seem off? And why had she been there for more than a whole year?

I intended to find out, no matter how long it took. I didn't know the pain that I was about to cause her though, or I would have never excepted her phone number. If only, I had known…


	3. The Spicy Hamburger Lady

**A/N: So here's the next chapter. It's not too great. Just the first date, im surprized i even finished it the same night i started it. I had a pretty horrible night tonight, and its like, midnight now. Im finally done crying, but oh well. Ill be okay in a few days or so, hopefully.**

**No worries. Happy Easter to everyone! I hope you get everything you wanted, and that you all have a good family time if you have dinner or something. Mine won't be too great, but we can all hope and try.**

**Loves You,**

**-Sara**

**xXxXxXx**

I stood outside the hospital as the taxi drove away. I stared up at it, towering over me by many levels. And ambulance pulled out right next door by the garages and the alarms went off. Another person who was injured, or possibly already dead. I sighed, why was I so nervous? I was normally never nervous with girls, why this one? She knew I was coming, I had an at least hour long conversation with her on the phone. She didn't think I was crazy, so why was I so nervous? I shook my head and sighed again, walking up to the front doors as the sound of the ambulance faded into the distance of the city.

I walked up to the front desk of Bella's floor, and was about to ask if she knew where she was, when Bella came around the corner. She had on a pair of jeans with holes in the knees, with black leggings on underneath. It was very attractive. She had on a light blue and green stripped long sleeve shirt, and her hair was curled perfectly. Her eyes seemed bright with excitement, unlike the other patients' eyes. I couldn't help but smile. She smiled sheepishly as she walked over, a few feet in between us.

"Hey Bella," I said, smiling still. She looked down, blushing. "Hey, the cafeteria is down stairs," she said, biting her lip a little. I nodded, sticking my hands in my pockets. "Lead the way, beautiful," I slipped in, not thinking. She blushed more and smiled, looking up now, her eyes were shy. She wasn't the only one nervous, I was just better at hiding it. She walked past me, a small bust of her scent hitting me. She smelled just as beautiful as she looked. I smiled as I spun around on the back of my foot and followed her towards the elevator.

We entered the elevator alone, the cafeteria was a good three levels down. I couldn't help but stare at her, she was wary of keeping her eyes away from mine. "So, how are you?" I asked casually. She shrugged, running her hand through her hair, glancing at me for a brief second. "Oh just bored, this place gets pretty boring after the first year or so," she laughed lightly, I joined her, though it was harder than it thought it would be. We got to the first floor, where the cafeteria was and she led the way again. We were stuck on some small talk as we walked into the rather large cafeteria. I glanced down at her, walking towards the food line.

"So what's good and what's nasty?" I asked, glancing an uneasy look at some of the foods I couldn't even name. She laughed more wholeheartedly this time, amused by my looks of disgust. She pointed at the old women with the hamburgers, she was short, plump, and her entire face look like a rag with so many wrinkles, she was giggling as she leaned over and whispered. "Careful, you mess with her, she spits in your burger," Bella was highly amused of my facial expressions now. She turned and glanced at the man that was making salads, he looked up uneasily and winked at her, attempting to flirt across the room. She rolled her eyes. "That's James, he's madly in love with me," she fell into another fit of laughter as she walked over to one of the food stations, I followed aimlessly, shooting James a glare.

She picked up a spoon and dumped some sort of food onto her plate, not holding back. I stared wide eyed, "What the heck is that?" I asked, she smiled at me.

"Sorry, I'm like, obsessed with Hamburger Helper," she bit her lip, feeling awkward by it I guessed. I laughed a little, and she looked at me, sincere. "Hamburger Helper is awesome," I said, smiling at her. For once she was looking me in the eyes. She blushed and nodded, breaking the gaze for what seemed so short.

She grabbed two bread sticks and got herself a drink, I ended up with a hamburger from the anger old women, who didn't like me right away, a soda, and a small bag of chips. Overall, we both had large lunches. We were laughing, both of us, as we walked over to our seats.

"I wouldn't get another burger from her again, if I was you, she glares more at you then me!" Bella fell into her seat, laughing hysterically. I think the look on my face was the main reason. I shook my head and laughed. "Oh come on, she's spicy. Think she's single?" I joked, smiling at her as she broke out into more laughter. I quickly joined her, realizing how foolish I sounded. The other people gave us funny looks, but we were too oblivious to notice.

We ate slowly, and even when we were finished we continued to talk for what seemed like hours. We talked about pretty much everything, from favorite colors, to our families, to our old friends, to stupid little things like bugs and nature. She was so easy to talk to, I could easily see how James liked her. I knew exactly why I liked her. She thought she was so flawed, when I had never met someone so perfect.

She told me about her old best friend, Sophie, who had disconnected herself from Bella for reasons she wouldn't go into. Bella didn't talk much about Sophie, or her past, or family, so I guessed those were the touchy subjects I might not get to know about for a long time. I didn't mind, I had a few touchy subjects too, maybe not as bad, but, I understood. It just gave me an excuse to be around her more, and longer.

We finally had to leave the cafeteria because apparently they close for people who aren't patients around eleven, which shocked me. Three hours in the cafeteria, talking and talking. I smiled at the thought, maybe I stood a chance with her. Maybe.

We walked back towards her room, and I felt a little awkward. It was like a collage date or something, walking her back to her dorm. We laughed at a few of our jokes, but I could tell it was getting awkward.

We finally reached her door, room 314. I smiled, making a mental note of that. She leaned against the door, wiggling her nose, one hand on the doorknob.

"So, uh, you'll be back, soon, right?" she asked slowly, her eyes again avoiding mine. I smiled to myself, of course I will! "Yea sure, I mean, if you want me too," Oh and Bella, you're absalutly beautiful! "I mean, I had a lot of fun," I added instead. Don't want to seem like a stalker on the first date.

She nodded. "Me too, its been a long, long time, since I laughed that hard," her eyes suddenly met mine, "Like, years," she said in almost a whisper. After the words were out, I saw the sudden regret in her eyes. I smiled. "I'm glad, making pretty girls laugh is hard," I said, trying to lighten the mood, her eyes fell to the floor, and a small, fake smile, raised.

"So, you do that a lot, then," she breathed, her voice touchy. I shook my head, "Oh no, I just, really like you, that's all," I mentally slapped myself in the face profusely. Stupid, Stupid Edward!

She blushed. "I like you too," she said finally, her eyes raising to mine again. "I'll see you later then," she said, opening the door quickly and stepping in, closing it just as I said okay and goodbye.

I walked outside and glanced up the building, I could see her room far up. The light was on, and I could tell she had a lot of posters. I smiled, she really was amazing. I bit my lip, sudden excitement raising as the cab pulled up.

I would defiantly be back to see her, soon, very soon.

**xXxXxXx**

**So, Review please? Right about now, reviews are helping a lot with keeping this story going. Anyways, uh, thanks for all the support ive gotten so far. And i just ask that you keep reading, sorry again for the updates being so slow. It's hard, but im trying. So yes. When summer rolls around it'll be a lot easier to update, I hope. :)**

**So review, pwease&&Thankyou! :DD**

**-Sara3**


	4. You Are My Best Friend

**A/N: So, this is a really short chapter, sorry. i missed a few days of school from being sick and some other reasons, so i had a lot of homework to make up. But somehow i was able to come up with at least this so- yea. :)**

**Uhm. It's really only explaining Bella's charecter, and how in a month she grew very close with Edward. :)**

**I have a few twists coming up, nothing too big and emotional yet. you all know i love throwing in the tear-jerking plots. XD**

**anyways, its more like sneaking out of the hospital and a few other fun things. Edward will be spicing up Bella's life by far with me writting this story, so, i hope your looking forward to it. **

**oh and since my buddy **Elizabeth** is reading this, i want to tell her hi, and thats i love her! im so glad she's back in town, i missed her tons.**

**and if my [**ex] best friend **is reading this, again, im sorry, and i miss you. =/ i really wish i could talk to you, but right now that seems pretty impossible with everything thats going on. but you can always email me. :)**

**--okay, enough with this personal message.**

**now go READ and REVIEW. :DD love you all, thanks for reading**

**-Sara**

**_ps: the poem that bella reads, i wrote. completely and 100% ME. NO STEALING IT. :)_**

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"No, it's stupid," she giggled, looking down at the old worn notebook. She ran her hand through her hair, pulling it back behind her face. I stared at her perfect face, smiling at how dazzling it was. I continued staring at her, my eyes probably overflowing with compassion.

"No, I want to hear it," I pushed, her eyes flashed to mine as I continued smiling. Her eyes gleamed with that emotion I still couldn't pick a name for. Her eyes fell back to the page before her, and she shook her head, sighing. "No, it's all dreary. I was so, depressed back then, it's, it's just stupid," she seemed to have lost the happy touch to her voice. I smiled, glancing at her hand. I lightly smiled before slipping my hand around hers.

"I wanna hear it, please," I whispered, my voice was smooth, more flirty and romantic then I meant. Her eyes uneasily met out hands, and then my face. Her lips were parted slightly, and she nodded once, slowly. I had clearly dazzled her again—she had often told me how unfair this was of me. I took it as a great advantage, and it made me fill almighty and powerful. I smiled and let my intense gaze fall to the worn paper in front of her. She drew in a breath, her hand still in mine, the other holding the notebook. And her angel solid voice broke out into her poem she had written so long ago.

"_These tears of salt on your cheeks, pain hits me tonight. Your eyes beg me to save you, your voice says otherwise. My eyes seemed foggy, but I'm not blind to see you're not alright. Forever is a long time to be wrong. How long will this go on? The weak yet young won't go on. You let the bottle fall, beat it to the ground. Your crimson tears carve themselves out, leaving only scars of reminders. You're not alright, stop trying to hide. The memories twist with the reasons you had to let me go. The sight of her sorrow kills me now, killed me then. Her scars so silent scream 'It's All Your Fault!' every time they're in sight. This love is only the beginning of her Tragedy called life. Cursed cuts cure the justice gone wrong. This tainted love shown in only blood. On this shadowed night, she gives up the fight. Watch from the floor through crimson eyes as the world fades away_," she stopped, breathing in. One tear ran down her cheek, and she stared at the notebook. I knew who it was about, it was obvious. Whoever this Sophie was, she had really ruined Bella.

I smiled, rubbing circles around her thumb. "It's amazing. It must have taken forever to put together," I said truthfully. It was, very good, even if it was filled with secret messages. She looked away now, smiling lightly at me, she pulled her hand from mine to wipe away the tears, before leaning forward and stealing a hug from me.

"Thank You," she whispered. I laughed a little. "It's no problem, Bella," I said as she released me. So there we sat on her hospital bed. She sat at the head of the bed—criss-cross with an old red sweatshirt on. She had complained of it being baggy and unflattering, but I found everything beautiful on her. She had striped pajama pants on and plain socks. Her hair smelled fresh from a shower, and her face was wiped of all makeup. I was laying across the bed on my side, jeans and a stripped blue and white shirt. She had told me many times that this was her favorite shirt of mine. I wore it as much as possible after she told me. There was only a dim light next to her bed, the hospital quiet for once. The world seemed to drift away, and we were locked into our own little world that only included us—together. It was strange to already be this close to Bella; I had only known her for a month. Even though I had spent almost every day here for that month, not only for school, but to see her of course.

Bella was amazing, she hadn't really opened up, but I knew some things about her. She didn't quiet understand her illness; she explained the doctor couldn't explain it very easily. All she knew was she had to live in the hospital, only allowed to leave during day light hours. She said she had been there since she was younger, and she didn't remember much besides the hospital. Her parents apparently disowned her, frustrated with the way everything was turning out, and moved across the country. Bella was a very interesting person. She loved sports and exercise. She really loved soccer, and had played for years before the hospital. She also enjoyed video games, which was out of the ordinary. She said she had played volleyball a bit in middle school, but she felt that she sucked—which I highly doubted.

She loved music, just like me. I found that to be a good string to latch onto to pull me closer to her since she liked pretty much everything from current music all the way back to the 70's and 80's. Her favorite show was 'That's 70's Show' and sleep was one of her favorite hobbies, though she wasn't good at waking up late or going to bed late. She enjoyed texting, though she hadn't had anyone to text recently. Her favorite candy was chocolate, and she had a strange fear of bunnies. Her birthday was April 23rd and she had one little brother who she never really liked. And the only thing she didn't seem comfortable talking about was her old best friend, Sophie Carter. I wanted to know more, but I wasn't going to get nosy just to know a secret. If she wanted to tell me, she'd tell me eventually.

Until then, I'd enjoy every moment with her, and try to lighten up her life a little. I popped back into reality when my phone went off with Seether's new song "Breakdown". I sighed annoyingly and pulled it out of my pocket to see Alice had sent me a text.

"Time to come home you love bird. Bella needs sleep too you know! ;D" I rolled my eyes as I shut my phone. Bella smiled, sniffling a little. She seemed to be okay now. I slid off the bed as she closed the notebook and dropped it on the floor next to her. She leaned forward to give me a hug. "Be sure to tell them that one of these days I wont give you back!" she joked. I nodded, that would be a very, very happy day for Edward. I laughed lightly.

"See you tomorrow?" I asked as I walked slowly towards the door. She nodded, smiling. So I took one last glance, smiling as she stared at me. Her eyes were filled with that emotion again. The emotion I just couldn't put a name to. I hadn't seen it before—well I had, but not like that. I smiled and winked at her as I shut the door. I heard her giggled one last time as it clicked shut, and I saw her cheeks light up with blush.

Bella was truly an amazing person…


	5. Sophie's Story And Taco Bella

**A/N: So here is the next chapter, its about 11:15pm, and i highly doubt anyone's going to review for a while, but any reviews at all would be loved! I'm really enjoying writting this story, since it's kinda like four different stories in one. This is a sad chapter--sorry! I just thought you'd all want to know a bit of Bella's past and more about her old friend Sophie. I randomly thought of the name cause i like that name, so, yea. XD Anyways, review?**

**now for shout outs:**

**Lixxy--loves you lots. thanks for always reviewing and reading. and thanks for giving me a hug when i really need it. loves you!**

**JoJo--your awesome. thanks for reviewing, and you better remember your planner on Monday so we dont have to try and remember which International Day it is. lol. loves you.**

**_????--_i still miss you, and no, im not going to say your name. i dont even think your reading this story anymore, but im going to keep writting. remember i love you, and if you ever need me ill be here. i honestly think you just need to let it go though, its over with and everythings better now. loves you.**

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**okay, sorry. well, read and review please? i love hearing feedback, and your ideas too.**

**one really great idea i got was for Bella to tell her story to Edward in poems from '**_narn_**'**

**i think its a great idea, and i might do it, im not really sure yet. ...but thank you!**

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I walked up to the hospital with a devious smile, this was going to get me in huge trouble, but Bella deserved something big to happen to her—something exciting. I smiled again as I entered the elevator to her floor, I was getting giddy with excitement myself. My teen years hadn't been to fun and reckless as other people, better late then never I guess. The numbers lit up so slowly it seemed today. I bit my lip, the doors slowly opening I ran out, accidently running into one of the nurses. She rolled her eyes and sighed, they knew me pretty well around here now. I jogged half way to her door, slowing to act casual as I walked up, knocking lightly. I bit my lip and smiled as she said to come in. I opened the door as she threw something under her bed; I paused at the door, my eye brow raised. She had an anxious look on her face, like she didn't want me to ask. I let it go, I'd find out later.

"Hey, ya ready to go Bella?" I asked, smiling at her. It seemed like forever since I had last seen her perfect face—her amazing hazel eyes. I had learned that her eyes changed color. They were sometimes hazel, green, grey, or even a bit red at times. It was spooky at first, but now I just found it amazing and completely interesting. She smiled, crawling off her bed and slipping on her skater shoes. She had a pair of new jeans on I noticed, they were dark and faded with a black shirt on that said 'Simple Plan' across the front. Her hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail, a few strands of hair in her face. My mouth would have fallen gaping if I hadn't learned to control that over the past month. I shook my head and laughed as she walked towards me, her spunky full of life walk.

"What? Should I change? What is it?" she said, stopping right next to me and glancing over herself. I shook my head and kept laughing, "No, your just too cute, that's all," she looked up at me, smiled, and then shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You're a loser," she laughed, skipping out of the room towards the elevator.

We stood in the elevator and talked about school, I explained how boring it was, but left out how I was constantly thinking about her today—that was my own personal secret. She was always so happy, even in her conditions. It was inspiring really, from everything she's been through and here she is, smiling and laughing with a little sparkle in her eyes. When the elevator beeped for the last time and the door opened, I took a chance and grabbed her hand as we walked out. Her cheeks lit up, and I smiled down at her, though she didn't look at me. She instantly turned in the direction of the cafeteria, but I pulled her back. She shot me a confused look as a few nurses walked by, eying us suspiciously—or was I just a little nervous for this?

"What's going on Edward, the cafeteria is this way," she trailed off, her eye brow raised. I smiled deviously at her, and when no one was around I slowly pulled her towards the front door. She took a few steps, and then stopped, shaking her head. "Oh god no, Edward, I'd get in so much trouble," she paused, muffling a small laugh as I slowly pulled her hand, giving her the most irresistible smile I could—it was working. "You're going to get in so much trouble, Edward, you," I shook my head and pulled her, she fell forward, straight into me. I didn't mean for that to happen, since I could have kissed her with ease if I wasn't raised better. I smiled, inches from her face. Her eyes seemed to go blank, her cheeks lighting up. "Edward no," she pleaded helplessly. I had it under control, I could tell.

"Oh come on Bella, you know you miss the world. Just dinner, we'll go to Taco Bell," I laughed lightly, somehow it wasn't tense at all this close to her. Her hands on my chest, my hand holding one of hers, the other holding her elbow. She glanced down, putting some distance between us. She sighed, bit her lip, and nodded. I think for once I dazzled her, I would remember that. I laughed now, pulling her towards the door. Just as we slipped out onto the street I glanced back and the elevator opened to her doctor, that was close.

"So, are we seriously going to Taco Bell?" she asked as we walked down the street. It was still light out, but the sun was going to set soon. I shrugged, still holding her hand as we walked along New York's clustered streets. It was like a movie. "Well, it's up to you. Unless you want to go to a big fancy restaurant, I really don't care," I said, shooting her a smile. She blushed and looked down. "I miss Taco Bell," she said, glancing around.

I looked at her, her voice sounded off. She was looking around with a smile on her face, taking everything in as if she was completely new to the world. It was heart breaking, yet amazing, to see it. She looked so thankful just to breathe the fresh, polluted air of New York. I couldn't help but smile at her. After a few minutes of silence, she looked at me and laughed.

"What is it this time?" she asked. I shook my head and winked at her. "Off to Taco Bella!" I laughed and pulled her faster ahead. She laughed. "Taco Bella?" I nodded, smiling.

"So, are you ever going to tell me about this Sophie girl?" I asked after a while. Bella's smile faded fast, and she looked down at her food, poking at it aimlessly as if to keep her mind busy. I felt bad asking, but I was dying to know—and who knows, maybe it would help to talk about it. She laughed a little, and shook her head, looking down at her lap. I tilted my head to the side, my eyes serious but comforting. I sipped my soda patiently. She drew in a jagged breathe, and glanced out the window.

"She was one of my best friends, before the hospital. It's been like, three years, since her," she paused, looking down again. "Since her death," I nodded, her eyes met mine for an instant, and she seemed to see my concern and curiosity.

"I met her in fifth grade. We were best friends right away. I kind of, centered my life around her. Things got hard for both of us and it seemed like we only had each other," she paused to shake her head and sip her soda. "And then when we got to seventh grade, I just, cracked. We got in a huge fight and I told her I was sick of centering my life around her, and I said things that I knew would hurt her. I pretty much crushed her," she looked at me now, her eyes looked so dead and I could see that she regretted it even now.

"She didn't say much to me afterwards, she just stood there and took it. It was like every word that I said was like a knife digging into her neck. I think I kind of killed her, that day," I shook my head, and was about to talk, but she kept going. "I realized after that that I had over reacted, and didn't mean most of what I said. But she, she was too hurt. I had made a mistake, and it, it was hard on her to let it go. I didn't blame her, I would have been crushed with all the things I said," she paused, another sip of her soda. I lightly touched her hand, and she smiled, looking down again.

"What did you say? I mean, I'm sure it wasn't that bad," I reasoned with her. She shook her head. "I basically told her I was sick of all her drama, and that I hated how I centered my life around her. She read between the lines too much though, and she got a lot more out of it then I meant. I guess I should have guessed she'd do that. She was such a deep person. I told her how I missed my other friends, and I was tired of lying about everything," she drew in a breathe, and I had a feeling things got hard here. I almost stopped her and told her that I'd wait till another time to hear it, but she said it was fine.

"She thought she had ruined me anyways, and when I cracked that day. I Guess I just confirmed a lot of what she was thinking, which made it hard for her to believe me when I tried to tell her I didn't mean it, later. I had my other best friend around then, and we grew apart. She always said she'd follow behind me, and that my best friend would always walk next to me. She always said, 'If you ever need me, just turn around, I promise to be here, no matter what' but then," she cut off. She stared blankly at the table.

"Things just got worse, and she stopped talking to me when she was upset. It worried me, because she had always told me I was the only person she could talk to, and how it really helped her. I knew she wasn't okay. I just, I got sick of the drama. The constant drama of being her friend…It was sad, cause she always said she felt like she was competing with my other best friend for me. Always said that I was her best friend, even if she wasn't mine. I didn't pay much attention to her, I was just so sick of it all," she looked up at me.

"I didn't think she'd ever do it, ever. I never took her seriously, and I never really saw how upset she was I guess. I didn't want to see, because it was so heart crushing. I always felt guilty, and I grew so sick of worrying about her. Sick of everything she said to me. I grew sick of her. And eventually, she stopped following me, just like I knew she would. I had my only best friend for an entire summer, and life seemed so much better without her. Till one night I got in a huge fight with my parents, and I left. I just left," Bella cut off again, and this time she grabbed my hand, her eyes were pleading, but I was to stunned to speak.

"I went to my best friend's house, the same night. They always say that when someone special to you dies, you feel like something in life is missing, before you actually know. I didn't feel anything. I just remember laughing with my best friend and feeling so much better than I had been before. I spent the night at her house, not even thinking about Sophie. I hadn't worried about Sophie all summer, for months actually. She was a part of the past. I didn't know, or care, about how her life was going" she stopped again. I felt guilty now, for asking her. She was in tears now, and strangers were giving us looks. The sun was setting outside, and she had a solid grasp on my hand. I opened my mouth to tell her it was okay, that she didn't have to talk about it anymore, but I was a little late.

"I went to school the next day, Monday. She wasn't there. Somehow I noticed her absence, and in the back of my mind I wondered. But Sophie was known to miss school, she was always so stressed she got sic a lot. I didn't even consider, her, I didn't think about it," she sighed, wiping away tears now, calming down a little, looking me in the eyes now. "I was called down to the office during lunch, and was sent to the counselor's office. My parents, her parents, and two police men were there. I knew once I saw her parents, that something horrible had happened. The first thought was that she was kidnapped, but never death. They sat me down and told me, and I didn't understand at first. I couldn't imagine the world without her; I couldn't imagine my world without her. I hadn't talked to her in over a month, let alone thought about her, so I didn't get why it was so upsetting that I ran out of the school and ran to her house. I pretty much broke in and ran in her room, and reality hit me when I saw the blood stains on the floor. I still don't know why its so upsetting," she trailed off in thought.

"She was your best friend Bella, anyone would be upset," I whispered, squeezing her hand. "I just feel, like I could have done something. She pushed me away, and I tried to keep her around, but if I had just said the right things, she might still be here," she shook her head, sipping her soda. A small smile hit her face. "We had so many inside jokes too, so many good times. I can't believe we drifted apart, and then, I didn't even see her dying inside. I didn't even realize how badly she needed me in her life, I didn't," she cut off.

"I got a bunch of her things afterwards, and most of it was covered with stuff about me, how she missed me," I titled my head to the side again, Bella's eyes fell dead again, water returning. "She needed me, and I wasn't there. I should have been there, to tell her," she shook her head. "She always felt like no one cared, and she always said she knew I cared. But I wasn't there to remind her, I turned around, and she wasn't there," she said through silent tears. I shook my head, and stood up. I slid onto the seat next to her and wrapped my arms around her as she cried silently.

"Bella, you can't possibly blame yourself. She did it because of her own choices. People grow apart, and it just happens that you guys grew apart too. You can't take the blame for something that had nothing to do with you, you said her life wasn't all that great, well, you can't help that. Don't feel guilty for something you can't control Bella, it's completely unhealthy," I was just spitting out anything that I thought would help. I just wanted her to stop crying. Bella shouldn't feel guilty for something Sophie did—hell, Sophie was probably crazy.

"She was my best friend, and I was all she had," she whispered, her tears slowing—though my words did nothing to help. "It's okay Bella, it was three years ago," I whispered back. At least Taco Bell was pretty much empty, otherwise we would have some seriously messed up looks from other people. She hugged me, and sat silently for a few moments. "Thank you, though," she whispered. I smiled, breathing in a breath of relief. "You're my best friend Bella," I whispered back. "I'm always here for you, no matter what," I whispered. She nodded, wiping away the dried tears. Again, guilt beat at me for making her cry over my stupid nosiness. I smiled down at her, pecked her on the top of the head. Her hair smelled amazing.

"How about I take you home, you need your sleep," I said, hugging her again before I stood up with our tray of half eaten food. She nodded, wiping her cheeks again. "I probably look a wreck now," she muttered with a sigh, her eyes slowly coming back to life. I dumped the tray and smiled weakly at her, the guilt was over powering me now. "Bella, you look beautiful," my voice was overly serous and sincere. She looked at me now, a little shocked by my voice. I smiled again, taking her hand as we walked outside. We walked home in the dark; she was a little closer to me now. I hoped she wasn't mad about me asking about Sophie, I just wanted to know more about her. She smiled at me when we walked into the front door of the hospital, no one was around so we darted to the elevator, laughing. "I had a really fun time, Edward. And you're right, I missed the world—and Taco Bella," she laughed, her eyes seemed to fill with the usual sparkle and joy they had as we watched the numbers light up. I smiled at her, nodding.

"Sorry about that though, I was just curious. I didn't realize it was that, complicated," I said slowly, not completely regained for the hysterics. "It's fine, it's nice to talk sometimes, especially to you," she said as the doors opened. She grabbed my hand and pulled me out; I seemed to be the only one dazed now. She was back to her usual happy self. It made me smile silently. I walked her back to her room, and she spun around. "So I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked, her eyes lightened up with hope. I nodded.

"Well but of course, Bella, love," I smiled at her and hugged her before heading back towards the elevator. So maybe Sophie had ruined Bella, but it was my job to build her up again. But I don't thin it was my job to develop a crush on her…oh well, I had both covered.


	6. Sweet Popcorn Dreams

**A/N: Hello loves. how is life going for you? well, i had a four day weekend, i'm so grateful for that. :) so tomorrow is saturday, and im hoping to have a good day--i hope you all do. here is the next chapter, it's short, but its fun and very cute. i randomly came up with the idea and i love it now. i mean, who doesn't want to fall asleep with Edward Cullen in popcorn? ;DD**

**just go read and REVIEW please. :DD**

**loves,**

**-Sara**

**xXx**

I watched intently as Bella's hand flew across the page, her fingers directing the pen so lightly as if it wasn't even touching the paper. I wondered what this poem would sound like, how amazing the words would flow from her lips. I had seriously gotten myself too far into this, but I might as well enjoy it no? She wiggled her nose as she paused, her eyes reading over what she had already. My eyes lingered from the paper to her face. Even in silence she was amazing. I smiled to myself, and she looked at me.

"What is it now?" she asked me, laughing a little. It was probably two in the morning, I was surprised I hadn't had to leave yet. I smiled again, looking at the paper and shaking my head. She let it go as her hand returned to the paper, scribbling down another sentence or two. I remembered when I had walked in to the hospital, and a sudden thought hit me. A bright smile hit me, and my eyes lit up with the idea. It would be so fun, but we'd get in a lot of trouble this time—if we were caught. Bella looked at me, an eye brow raised.

"Okay, seriously, tell me what's going on!" she pleaded, laughing again. I jumped up and grabbed her hand. She kept laughing as I pulled her over to her door, peaked out and then pulled her down the hallway to the elevator. She kept asking me what was going on, but I ended up laughing too much to tell her. When we were safely in the elevator alone we both calmed down a little.

"Bella, did you ever want to be a race car driver? Or better yet, a stunt man?" she raised her eye brow as the numbers lit up, we stopped at the second floor. When the doors opened I grabbed her hand and pulled her down the hallway towards a supply room. When I had first entered the hospital one of the nurses had asked me to drop off some things here, and I remembered seeing a lot of empty boxes. Bella stopped at the door as I snuck in. She glanced down the hallways, biting her lip.

"Edward Cullen, what the hell are you--," she cut off when boxes started flying past her onto into the hallway. She let out a small scream since I startled her—it made me laugh as I kept tossing the boxes. She laughed at herself before joining me in throwing the boxes into the empty hallway. "So, what exactly are we doing Edward?" she asked me, laughing a little as we finished throwing the boxes out. I smiled, and glanced at the wheel chairs behind me, my eyes were devious and excited. She got the point immediately and shook her head.

"Oh god no, I'm going to die Edward!" Bella squealed as she covered her hands over her face. The boxes were stacked up defensively a ways done the hallway. They seemed to laugh at us as I stood behind the wheelchair, Bella curled up grasping to it for dear life. "Bella, calm down, there just boxes," I laughed at her. She moved her hands enough for me to see her playfully glaring. "Why can't you go first, I'm just the innocent victim that was dragged down here against her will!" she pleaded, leaning up towards me and pointing at my face accusingly. I leaned down, grabbing her hand and pulling it to the side. I didn't realize how close my face was until I could feel her cool breathe on my face. I smiled devious again. "You would have come and you know it," I whispered. She bit her lip and her cheeks flushed with red—her eyes fell short and I knew I had dazzled her.

"God, you can't push me, I'm way too heavy," I groaned, sitting in the chair with my arms crossed. She laughed. "I sure as hell can try!" she said before kicking the chair off. Surprisingly her soccor legs pushed me pretty far, but I helped out a little. Just before hitting the boxes I yelled, "Taco Bella!" and took out the gaint stack of boxes. I was going so fast that I had to stop myself and the chair flipped over, leaving me on the ground as the chair went tumbling. I was laughing too hard to worry about it.

I glanced up and Bella was on the ground laughing, her eyes closed as she lay on her back shaking with laughter. The boxes were scattered everywhere as our laughter filled the hall. It took her a good ten minutes to stop laughing, and during those ten minutes I rebuilt the box wall of Taco Bella and pulled the chair back to her. "Your turn little miss innocence," I smiled at her as I spun the chair around. She sat in it criss-cross and shook her head, "God, today is the day I die," she laughed. I laughed and sighed playfully. "I thought we already went over this, Bella," I joked. She shot me one last glare before I took off running and let her roll.

Just as she hit the boxes I saw her stick one leg out and kick it down so it didn't hit her in the face like me, I wouldn't want her face cut up in any way anyways. I was laughing so hard when I saw her on the other side, the chair has spun around and she somehow landed on a box, laughing even harder than before. What I didn't know was the boxes were filled with those little white popcorn things, and now that she had run over and landed on a few of them, the popcorn was scattered everywhere. I ran down the hall laughing as I dug through the popcorn to her. She had her eyes closed she was laughing so hard. I stood in front of her, running my hand through my hair. I fell down to my knees as she slowly calmed down. A few laughs here and there, but she had her eyes open now. She smiled at me, her eyes gleaming with joy.

I was dazzled then, completely mesmerized by her. She had popcorn stuck in her hair and on her clothes, her face was pale but lit at the cheeks with blush—probably from my intense staring. I leaned forward with one arm on each side of her. She let out a few giggles, she was trying to stay still since she was so close. I smiled, her breath hitting my face again. "Whose next" I asked, pulling a piece of the popcorn from her hair and lightly brushing her cheek. She smiled, obviously not caring about the closness of our faces. "I'm going again, get over it, loser," she joked. I laughed, letting my head fall as she slid out from in front of me, grabbed the chair, and took off to the end of the hall. "So what I have to set them up again?" I laughed. She just laughed and yelled 'yea' to me.

After a few more times of sending each other down the hall into the popcorn and boxes we ended up just collapsing into the popcorn, which was a good ankle high now. Who would have guessed it was so comfortable to lay on?

"You miss her," I whispered, smiling. She rolled over on her side, facing me. She was smiling, but nodded. "Yea, she would have had a blast doing something like this," she giggled a little, before letting her eyes fall away from mine. "Then you just have to have twice as much fun, fill in for her," I said, serious now. Bella didn't deserve to feel bad about Sophie this long later. There was a long silence, before she smiled a small smile again. "She always said she'd go to hell for how bad of a person she was. But I think she's in heaven, I know she is," she whispered. I stared at Bella's face, her eyes were deep again, she was lost in her thoughts. It was so mesmerizing to see her like that, she looked like an angel herself.

I took her hand in mine and squeezed it, "I didn't know Sophie, but I don't think she'd want you to be like this. I think she'd want you to move on and let it go, because there was nothing you could do. It's not your fault, and I don't think she was blaming you. No one was," I paused as she looked at me just as my eyes fell to our hands. "I think Sophie would have wanted you to be happy, Bella," I whispered, our eyes meeting now.

She nodded, and closed her eyes. After she didn't open them, I closed mine too. "Thank you," was the last thing I heard before we both drifted off to sleep in our little popcorn land. How not romantic but romantic at the same time is that?

**xXx**

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**i shall give you sprinkle infested cupcakes if so. :D**

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**:)**

**okay goodnight, its almost three in the morning here. i have to go work on the next chapter. :)**


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